Wedding Anniversary

15 April 2020, what would have been Matt and my 14th wedding anniversary.  Instead, I've been a
widow for as long as I was married.

There is no handbook for becoming a widow.  It was the first club I joined that I didn't want to be a part of but had no control over.  From the outset I knew I didn’t want being a widow, a young widow, to define me.  Usually, when you meet people, you define them by their nationality, job, or sport they do, not by being a widow.  I quickly learnt that if I was going to get through this, I would have to learn how to manage the conversations, the seemingly innocent questions that have unexpected, emotion laden answers.  It wasn’t easy but I quickly devised a tactic: if I wasn’t likely to see the person again, I would tell a white lie and save the embarrassment for us both.  If I was likely to see the person again, I would take a deep breath and tell them - I’m a widow, I lost my husband.  

Nearly seven years on and thankfully time has helped.  While I still struggle with not letting it define me, I feel blessed for the time we did have together.  For the person who frustrated the hell out of me but also got me, who allowed me to not only be me but be the best me possible.  For knowing when I needed one of your awesome bear hugs, to just be held by you and know that we could get through anything together.  Time certainly does make the heart grow fonder and Matt, I appreciate now more than ever how lucky I was to sit next to you at dinner all those years ago at Concord College.  

Today I choose to celebrate the time we did have together.  You & Me.


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